Off Duty Mom

Thoughts from an exhausted mom who is NEVER really "off duty"

Congratulations! You have Water-Elf Disease!

Much is debatable in this day and age.  We are constantly inundated with arguments of political, sociological, theological, philosophical and historical nature.

According to some sites, this little guy has Yellow Fever, Acid Reflux, Bubonic Plague and a splinter.

According to some sites, this little guy has Yellow Fever, Acid Reflux, Bubonic Plague and a splinter.

I think we can all agree on one thing, though:  the best place for medical advice is the internet.

According to WebMD, I may have Cystic Fibrosis, Emphysema, Multiple Sclerosis, Windburn, Breast Cancer, Carbon Monoxide Poisoning, Dementia, Hepatits A, B or C, Lyme Disease, Malnutrition, Typhoid Fever or Radon Exposure.

To be clear, the sypmtoms I put in were related to being tired.  When asked if I bruise easily, I said that I do.  I also responded that I do, indeed, have dry skin.

That’s it.  From that, WebMD has determined that I have Typhoid Fever, which is frankly not something I have heard of since I used to play Oregon Trail on that one computer we had in the school library during study hall.

Other websites asked other batteries of questions that I answered honestly.  My potential diagnoses ranged from cancer and HIV to dehydration and mild anxiety.

When I put my main complaint as “fatigue,” though, not one website asked me if I was a parent.  Therefore, I was certainly not ever asked if I was a parent of two small children who sometimes have fights that must be broken up and who run seemingly incessantly during waking hours, or if in addition to my work as a parent I also worked a full-time paying job that required me to have a high level of patience and to stand for long periods of time, or if I live in a part of the country not prone to sunshine and year-round weather where my family and I could enjoy fresh air and Vitamin D, or if my boss was a dick, my family didn’t get along, my bills were piling up, my pet needed medical care, my house needed to be cleaned, my car needed to go to the mechanic, or my son’s preschool was giving me shit because I can’t volunteer or be around like the Stay-At-Home Moms can.

For, if the mighty internet had asked some of those questions, it might have come up with something more insightful and less alarming for my condition other than Syphilis.

And, while I don’t have ALL of the above listed “symptoms,” there are people who do.  And, on any given day, we all have a pile of crap we’re dealing with.

Just how DOES she do it?Oh...that's how...

Just how DOES she do it?
Oh…that’s how…

So, this all makes me wonder if anyone is really making the WonderParent thing work.

I would like to hear from you.  If you are a SuperMom or a SuperDad, please comment.  I would love to hear your tips and pointers for getting my act together and becoming the multi-armed Hindu Goddess-type I always thought I might be.

 

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5 thoughts on “Congratulations! You have Water-Elf Disease!

  1. Brilliant post – love your writing style and ability to laugh at yourself (I hope that’s what you were doing anyway!). I don’t think Wonder Parent’s exist, I just think they want us to think that they do!

  2. Very funny post, I really enjoyed it. My wife has been away for a month and comes back on Tuesday (yes!) and she took our youngest two with her. I have been left with a well behaved teenager (it’s true, there are some!) who is easy, myself, work and the house, and I am worn out. Hats of to anyone who juggles it all on their own, they deserve an award. And don’t you just hate it when the school gives you the guilt trip when you can’t attend something, or have trouble giving your time. Life can be so unfair sometimes, thank goodness for wine! :)

    • I have absolutely no idea how people do it alone. I just can’t even imagine.

      And, on the topic of well-behaved teenagers, I do know that there are some. I am a high school teacher and actually really love my job (even though I complain about it a whole lot).

      Best wishes for a happy and safe return for your wife. And, thanks for the comment. I love comments. I get really excited when I see I have new ones!

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