“Bikinis, zucchinis, martinis, no weenies”
The older I get, the older I get.
I barely understood my own youth culture half the time.
Then, I became a teacher. I thought I was young and easy to relate to at 22. But in actuality, I had no patience for or frame of reference by which to truly understand pants that start at your thighs, giant, tire-sized piercings or obsessions with Justin Bieber.
If I can’t even relate to a Juvenile (yeah–that was really his stage name. I don’t think irony was intended) song that came out the same year I graduated from college, I don’t know how I will be able to connect with my kids’ generation.
Yet, I still try to understand that song from the 90’s. I heard it today. Here’s what I gathered:
The gentleman insists that his female companion reverse her direction and move her pear-shaped physique in his direction. Repeatedly. Perhaps this young woman is afflicted with some type of malady that increases the size of her hindquarters and also causes her to be hard of hearing. If, indeed, she were suffering from hearing loss, that would be unfortunate since she’d miss the opportunity to hear the veritable cornucopia of words that rhyme with “yeah,” most of which, not surprisingly, are actually the word “yeah” itself. Fascinating. And it doesn’t end there.
Does Britney Spears really resurrect the world’s worst pick-up line from about 1982 and ask, “If I said I want your body now, would you hold it against me?” Did Will Smith not teach his kid better writing ideas other than “I whip my hair back and forth?” Did Nicki Minaj just say that her panties were coming off? Did the Black Eyed Peas really tell me to, “Get up off [their] genitals?” Just when I didn’t think it could get worse than “My Humps.” But, then, I realized that J. Lo’s 2011 song features a briliant piece of artistry:
“That badonkadonk is like a trunk full of bass on an old-school Chevy
Seven tray donky donk
All I need is some vodka and some shonky-tonk
And watch she gon’ get Donkey Kong”
>sigh< I just don’t even know what to say about that. Luckily, someone else did: http://entertainment.ca.msn.com/music/photos/gallery.aspx?cp-documentid=29514912&page=10
I used to think that my parents were so lame because they thought that 10,000 Maniacs were a riotous punk bank (they must be with that name, right?) and that Nirvana was shocking for busting up so many guitars. And, forget gangsta rap from my youth of the late 80’s — I wasn’t allowed to listen to it, but at least it had a message. And a point. If you tell me that 9-1-1 is a “joke,” I can at least understand your plight in the American ghettos and the idea that your community is continually ignored by the very system that is supposed to save human lives. What I will not soon understand is Rihanna begging to be loved like she’s “a hot pie.”
I don’t know what I would do if I had to listen to my kids hear Katy Perry ask to see someone’s peacock, cock, cock, cock. Honestly. That’s a real song, people. I wish I were kidding.
When my 3-year old is 16, what crap will he be listening to? And what stupid shit is he going to do to his hair?
What I’d love to know is whether I am just old and out of touch or if popular culture is just becoming that much more vapid.
Of course, I prefer to believe that youth culture sucks. I don’t think that’s all there is to it, though.
Truth is, I am now my parents. How did that happen?