Things That Don’t Suck
I love countdowns, top 10 lists, music charts, awards shows and all manner of things that intend to compare things to other things and figure out which among them is “best.”
In its heyday, I had never missed an episode of “I Love the 70’s,” “I Love the 80’s,” “I Love the 90’s,” “I Love the New Millennium,” or any of the spinoffs that resulted. I also would likely stop channel surfing immediately if I were ever to find one of VH1’s other nuggets of fabulousness such as “Best Week Ever,” “50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs…Ever,” or “100 Greatest One-hit Wonders.”
I loves me a good list.
And, at Off Duty Mom, we’ve compiled our own lists that were pretty awesomesauce. Sometimes I admitted to having lists of popular culture moments I’ve enjoyed even though I know they’re all pretty lame. And, I have had a list of things I realized I was too damn old to properly comprehend. I now would like to share with you…
1. Skee-Lo’s “I Wish” — Arguably one of the most fun songs written, um, ever. I say “arguably” as some may argue this point. They’d be wrong. I might listen to discussions that would consider Paperboy’s “Ditty,” House of Pain’s “Jump Around,” or Digital Underground’s “Humpty Dance” as being on-par. I enjoy all of these songs, but have really given this a whole lot of thought, people. Don’t question my all-knowing pop-culture awesomeness.
2. The Diaper Genie — There has been so much debate regarding whether or not this item is necessary for parents. I just want to say that this product has made my life far more convenient than it might otherwise be. For the true environmentalist (which I am not, though I do recycle and stuff — I am not a Neanderthal, after all), I can see why there might be some concern about how necessary it is to use so much more plastic than is absolutely necessary. But, I have to admit that I don’t really give a crap about that too much. Or, rather, the crap that I do give to the world is preferably wrapped in stink-reducing magic bags that form blue poop sausages I can create with the use of just one hand. Sexy.
3. Diet Coke — Full of chemicals and stuffed with too much sodium to actually reduce my thirst and replenish my body’s needs, Diet Coke is still one of my first loves. It has no redeeming qualities. But, neither did that guy from New York that one time and a lack of redeeming qualities didn’t stop me then and (as I am a woman of principles, after all), it won’t stop me now.
4. My Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo — The company claims that I ought to be getting 17 MPG in the city, but I think my husband would throw a damn party if that ever happened. It’s usually more in the ballpark of 12, he claims. But, that 8-cylinder engine makes it really easy to get you quickly out of my way. Since, in an earlier post, I established that I hate people, a powerful vehicle is just what I need to get away from you all. And, enjoy your Prius, sucker, when you’re stuck in a mud puddle.
5. President Obama — Yup. I was sucked in by the flowery, inspiring speeches and charisma. And, I still love this guy. I have nothing else I can say. I still love President Clinton, too. I’d buy just about anything those two guys were selling. Charm, magnetism, pizzazz. Yes, please. I will never vote for anyone who says “misunderestimate,” spells “potato” with an “e,” cannot name a single major US newspaper, or blows off a life-long proclivity for hate-mongering by claiming to having been a mere prep-school prankster.
I am not sure what all of this says about me. But, I decided long ago that I was really good with “me” as-is, so I am thinking that I probably don’t actually care what this all says about me.
Instead, allow me to open up the polls here and welcome you to join in the discussion of other things that don’t suck. Comment here, if you’d like, about other things you enjoy regardless of whether others share your enjoyment. I’ll be interested to hear differing viewpoints. Join in.