Thankful (that this isn’t you)
Some days, as a mom, I am only half-certain that I am doing a decent job. It is a tough job, I will tell you. In case you didn’t already know. And, I feel partially competent and completely untrained the majority of the time.
I beat myself up a whole lot. It is probably not healthy. But, every now and again I realize that I am not any of these people and I feel better.
My wedding, for example, was classy. People wore shirts. And, clothes that were not, um, banana hammocks. And I was the only one with a garter on my thigh. I think. And, I was not in the “November Rain” video, so you couldn’t see the aforementioned garter, anyway.
I once learned archery in gym class. But, I never considered myself capable of teaching this skill to my children. But, in another year, my oldest will be 5 and he will clearly be ready for firearms if you believe this guy.
And, I, too, believe in safety. I have locks on my cabinets so my babies cannot drink Mr. Clean. I cover my outlets so the spawn don’t become a science experiment in conductivity. But, somehow I never thought to create a makeshift visor when putting my child on the front of my high-speed motorcycle. My bad.
Now, I remember just a little while back when a debate broke out regarding how long it was “acceptable” to breastfeed. But, I think it may need to come under discussion how long we ought to cart children in strollers. And, um, how we handle nutrition issues in our families.
One other thing we ought to put on the table for discussion might be discipline. I suppose we all have different methods. I use “time-outs.” They work. I also instituted a ticket system for positive behavioral reinforcement. We also, of course, take away privileges and move up bedtime when appropriate. But, I never thought of this.
Anyone who knows me personally probably knows that I am totally uncomfortable with the topic of sex. I am very thankful that I have boys and “the talk” will have to be my husband’s job. Apparently, though, not everyone shares my prudishness.
You know, everyone looks better with a healthy glow, right? And, if it were bad for you, tanning places wouldn’t be in every mall in America, right?
Some may find the tanning of a child to be unsafe. I wonder what those people would say about this.
And, finally, we have here a parent who is truly concerned with something absolutely critical: preparing a child for college.
If you, too, are not any of these people, perhaps you should rest assured that you are doing a moderately decent job at parenting, too. Hang in there!