This still sucks. Honestly. Everyone said it would get better. Now, I am not technically crying anymore, but nevertheless, I still fricking hate this.
I am staring at a chocolate bar. There is longing in my heart. I yearn.
I am hungry. I have decided that I hate water.
I am NOT proud of my willpower. I do have some kick-ass willpower, though. But, I don’t feel an emotion that cancels out all of the other negativity that emanates from my belly.
So, in an attempt not to bring everyone down, I will list for you instead things I AM proud of.
- I know all of the words to “It’s the End of the World as We Know it” by REM. I break this out at, you know, parties and other social gatherings where I am high on life (or vodka). This one shows my age, just like the realization that internet research didn’t really exist until after I had graduated from college. I had to read BOOKS.
- I can do “The Carlton.” This one shows my age, too. No, I do not perform this sacred dance on command. I gotsta be in the mooood for it. But, I rock at it. It is one of the many ways I am awesome. (Note: Working out and eating right are not typically ways in which I am awesome, hence my loathing of this challenge.)
- I can Hamlet my ass off. When kids leave my class, they lurv this play and I can’t blame them. It’s the bomb-diggity. Best work of literature ever. And, I am magical at it. I seem to have some sort of witchcraftery I can spin on unsuspecting young minds. Follow me into the darkness and despair of Shakespearean tragedy, little ones…
- I am super good at embarrassing my kids. That “Carlton” dance ain’t the only moves I got in the ol’ repertoire. My oldest HATES to see me dance. So, naturally, I do it as much as possible. I get professional-grade eyerolls every time. Bazinga!
- I am a beast at Taboo. Come at me, bro. I will destroy you. My husband and I make a fearsome team. You do NOT want some of this. We will embarrass you. This actually makes us no fun to play with at all. We’re crazy competitive and will trash talk you at this simple party game until you want to take back that hostess gift you brought and go the hell home.
Feel free to comment and tell me what cool tricks and talents you have, too! If you rock at the Whole Life Challenge, though, and think it is super easy and chocolate is not even that hard for you to avoid, you can keep that shit to yourself.