Off Duty Mom

Thoughts from an exhausted mom who is NEVER really "off duty"

Archive for the tag “clothing”

Button, It, Kids!

I am not sure whom to blame for this.

Are we still blaming George Bush for stuff?  I could get back on that train.  Or maybe I could just blame global warming?  Or video games?

But, maybe it doesn’t matter in the long run.  There’s war and poverty and injustice everywhere.  The world is so sad.

Hey, guys!  I will come out to play in, like, 5 hours, when I am done buttoning my shorts.

Hey, guys! I will come out to play in, like, 5 hours, when I am done buttoning my shorts.

And to add insult to injury there is this:
Who the FUCK decided it was a good idea to make little boys’ pants so  freaking complicated?

My older son took his time potty training, but has done a great job since he made up his own mind that he wasn’t going to shit his pants anymore.  He’s still only 5, though, and his dexterity is still forming.  He doesn’t know how to tie a bow yet.  So, the drawstring on many children’s pants are completely useless to him unless we dress him.  And, at 5 (nearly 6), he isn’t super-cool with being dressed by his mom all the time.

Seriously?

Seriously?

My boy loves to play hard.  He plays and plays and plays for so long that sometimes it isn’t until the very last moment that he realizes he has to run to pee.  And, when he gets there, he has to fiddle with buttons, snaps, zippers, hooks and whatnot.  We’re all pretty lucky there haven’t been more “incidents” where the little dude couldn’t fumble with all of the doo-hickeys fast enough to get his willie aimed at the bowl in time.

Then, when he pulls his pants back up, he yanks up the underoos and the pants all in one fistfull of fabric.  By the time he is done reassembling himself, his shirt ends up partially tucked in to his undies by one hip, just his pants in the front, then hangs pitifully on all other sides.  The underwear billows out the top of his pants in one place and he ends up looking like a blind drunk man with only 8 fingers put him together.

I am trying to think about solutions here, though, you know, ‘cuz I am such a problem-solver.

So, there has to be another way, I’m thinkin’.

Velcro?  Maternity-style stretchy-wide-waist pants?  Magnets?  Jedi mind-controlled pants?

I don’t know what it is yet, but I am going to be a millionaire when I figure this shit out.

 

My kids wear pants

In March and April, stores seemed to be bursting with adorable, tiny pink dresses awash in a sea of tulle and lace.  There were daisy-covered fabrics, giant grosgrain bows and white patent leather Mary Janes as far as the eye could see.  My visit to Macy’s children’s clothing department left me in awe of the beautiful items one could purchase for one’s selected springtime-holiday-celebration-or-religious-observation-of-choice.

IF YOU HAVE A LITTLE GIRL.

If, however, you are the proud, heavy-wallet-wielding mother of one (or more) fabulous young boy, you are shit out of luck.  Learn how to sew, sucka.

Certainly, I understand that young men do not care about fashion and don’t beg for the latest accessories like their pre-teen female counterparts might.  But, in the case of  a 3-year old boy, guess who does his shopping?

Thank you to The Children’s Place, the ONE black and white sweater vest you offered was lovely.  And, yes, Macy’s, the 20 square feet of Angry Birds T-shirts were lovely as was the T-shirt with the screen-printed necktie on it, but I was hoping for something a little more appropriate for pictures in my mother’s garden.  Perhaps if the little girls’ section hadn’t been at least SIX TIMES the size of the “Boys 2-7” section, there might have been room for something other than racks upon racks of basketball shorts and one three-piece suit in a size 6.

I can't be the only one who thinks this is cute...

Let me expand my rant to include non-special-occasion clothing as well.  My boys (ages 3 years, and 10 months), do NOT run around solely in wrinkled camo cargo shorts and Phinneas and Ferb tees.  I buy (with MONEY — just like moms of girls) khakis, polos, sweaters, jeans, vests, dress pants, oxfords and ties (if I can find them).  On a daily basis, my older son looks mostly like a Gap ad.  Though, it would be freaking nice if Target started carrying more of these items as the Gap bill isn’t something I love.  I’ve bought lovely things for my preschooler at Janie and Jack, The Gap, Old Navy (but their sizes run so small and their cuts are so wonky), J Crew, and so on.  I am sick of it.  My kid’s sweater shouldn’t cost more than my pumps.  But, I also shouldn’t have to settle for putting him in Garanimals, either.

My sister-in-law once asked if my children owned sweatpants.  They do not.  They play and get dirty in anything they are wearing because kids play and get dirty — period.  No biggie.  That’s why God invented washing machines.

But, is the retail industry trying to tell me that girls don’t play and get dirty?  Ummm…I’ve BEEN a little girl and I can say that we DO.  So, 14 racks of frilly dresses are no more useful for girl moms than the 3 total racks of all of the very limited boys’ clothes in the same store.

I also have yet to come across a single all-boys clothing store.  Yet, I can think of at least five all-girls’ clothing stores within 10 miles of my house.  What’s up with that?

Again, I reject the argument that girls are just more into clothes than boys are.  With children under 7, I do all of the shopping, anyway, and my kids would wear what I buy no matter what their gender would have been.  Shouldn’t stores be catering to mothers, not the kids, anyway?  I have the purse, people.  And, even if my boy never cares about clothes, I always will.  Don’t you want my money?

So, my kids wear pants.  Not dresses.  Does this mean I am doomed to roam aimlessly back and forth along the 4 feet of wall space devoted to boys’ clothing in a department store?

Hmmm…

If you are the mother of an adorable little boy and you appreciate outfits, perhaps one day you will be able to shop in my affordably-priced, boys-only clothing emporium where we will carry beautiful things for mothers to buy for their children.  I haven’t invented it yet, but when I do, at least I know that I will have the corner market.

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